Privacy Policy

Who I am

This website address is: http://bawrt2004.captlychee.com but you probably know that, right? I mean, if you’re reading this you’re here, right? But maybe not. What do I know about WordPress? Anyway, I’m in my nth year of a BA in Creative Writing, minoring in International Studies. The difference between a major and a minor is that I understand the major, but the minor I cannot fathom. I’m in my extremely late thirties, and my turn-ons are silk people and meeting sheets.

What personal data we collect and why we collect it

Comments

When visitors leave comments on the site, I am very happy. So far as I know , I don’t collect any data that you aren’t prepared to give. I mean, who has time for all that? Sure, I could ask “What’s your sign?” when you leave a comment, assuming I knew the code for that, but what is this, an ’80s sitcom?

There’s room for a second paragraph n this, apparently, so I’ll take the opportunity to break into some interpretive dance.

Media

The plural of medium.

Contact forms

Forms. They are hard to do. if you want to give me dta, send me a letter. What’s my address? Find out – on the Internet!

Cookies

If you leave a comment on our site you may opt-in to saving your name, email address and website in cookies. These are for your convenience so that you do not have to fill in your details again when you leave another comment. These cookies will last for one year.

If you visit our login page, we will set a temporary cookie to determine if your browser accepts cookies. This cookie contains no personal data and is discarded when you close your browser.

When you log in, we will also set up several cookies to save your login information and your screen display choices. Login cookies last for two days, and screen options cookies last for a year. If you select “Remember Me”, your login will persist for two weeks. If you log out of your account, the login cookies will be removed.

If you edit or publish an article, an additional cookie will be saved in your browser. This cookie includes no personal data and simply indicates the post ID of the article you just edited. It expires after 1 day.

By the time we’re finished with you, your computer will have blue fur and goggly eyes.

Embedded content from other websites

We have embedded content from other websites. Owners or copyright holders of that content should contact those other websites. If they weren’t offering we wouldn’t be doing it. Don’t shoot the user, shoot the usher.

Eyeball

Analytics

Who we share your data with

The FBI, ASIO, GCHQ, the African National Congress (ANC), the Disney Corporation, WordPress, Apple, Amazon, the wife, Federation University, its wife, people who are nice to me, and Google.

How long we retain your data

It is opined that the universe will effectively end when all chemical reactions have been completed and everything in space is made of iron, except one lone atom of manganese waiting for something to fuse with to make more iron.

We will hold your data for as long as we can store it on particles of magnetised iron. After that, perhaps organisation can survive whatever end there is to time, and your data will be retained by us even in some new subtly altered universe where you will think you own or create your data, but where it in reality owned by us and dispensed to you for reasons neither of us can fathom.

This may have already happened.

What rights you have over your data

Questions over what rights you have to your data are more questions of speed. Can we reincorporate in a friendlier jurisdiction before you can serve us with writs? Our money is on us, but let’s see, shall we?

Where we send your data

To yo’ mama.

Your contact information

Additional information

  • The capital city of Colombia is Bogota
  • The peanut is neither a pea nor a nut
  • There really is a bird called a cockchafer
  • The square on the hypotenuse is, in real life, only approximately equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.

How we protect your data

If we told you that, how protected would it be? Come on, think it through, people!

What data breach procedures we have in place

Data is breached on a bi-monthly perennial basis. For security reasons, we are keeping the start date for each breach cycle secret, but we can tell you it is changed evey leap year. this means that, occasionally, data breaches will be more often, or frequent, than the normal schedule.

What third parties we receive data from

Jesus, we don’t know. Crap floods the servers every damn day. Some of it could be yours. Some of it could be a third party’s. How do we know which is which? We’d have to know who you were to work out who a third party is. Well, we do know that. We have your data. If you’ve read this far that should be obvious by now. So, we’ve worked out who the first and second parties are. Great. Nice to meet you. I won’t get too close on account of you have coronavirus and the judge says I wasn’t supposed to do that stuff anymore. That’s why I’m on these pills. Sure, that’s a bit personal. I know. And this paragraph may look like we’ve had pronoun trouble since it started, but let’s be honest with each other. There’s only me here, and there’s only you there. What do third parties matter?

Well, okay, yes, they do matter. Do you know how many ‘third parties’ are out there? IPv6 gives a potential website address for every atom in the solar system. The total number of IPv4 unicast addresses is 3,720,249,092. Excluding me and thee, that’s a crap ton of third parties. Who could keep track of all that? It helps if you think of yourself as a goldfish in a bowl, but with a credit card.

What automated decision making and/or profiling we do with user data

None. Coding is hard, plagiarism is wrong You can see the bind we’re in.

Industry regulatory disclosure requirements

Ha! We spit on your industry regulatory disclosure requirements!